Mablung has Lice
by Kwantum
Summary: Mablung gets a bad case of lice so he, Turin, and Beleg call upon the aid of Bargon, the archeologist extraordinaire.
1. Chapter 1

Turin, Mablung, and Beleg were spending their rare break in Menegroth spending as little time around Strongbow Brewery commercials as possible.

"Say Mablung," shot Turin at his friend, "what's huge, hairy, bright green, and has thirteen legs?"

"I honestly have no idea." replied the Heavy Hand,

"Me neither," said the edain, "but it just crawled out of your hair."

there was a pregnant pause

"really?"

"yes really"

"really really?"

"yes, really really"

"really really really"

"yes Mablung, the horrible hairy spawn of Morgoth is festering on your scalp. What do you think are the chances of more living in there?"

Turin answered Beleg's question, "I don't know but I'm not sticking my hand in there to find out."

"Guys, can we focus on my evil lice and not on my personal hygiene."

"Or more to the point your significant lack of personal hygiene."

Turin nodded at his friend's assessment of the situation and took lead in the situation.

"So, how do we exterminate them?"

The three were thoughtful for a moment, then Beleg spoke up.

"Well, I'll get a bucket of chicken blood and try to lure them out, then Turin will jump in and grab them. After locking the vile things in a cave, we'll shoot arrows at them, stab their eyes out, and slip them into Saeros' dinner."

Mablung seemed to like the idea, but Turin seemed to feel that he had a role that was better suited for one of the eldar.

"Okay, I'm game, but only if I lure them out with the chicken blood."

"Wait, than that means that I have to grab it."

"Exactly, I believe that seeing as I am an Edain and therefore more susceptible to poisonous bites, I should not be putting myself in such a dangerous position."

"No way Turin, I'm not touching that things with a ten foot pole."

"Than I'll get you an eleven foot pole." shot Mablung, "just get these things off of me."

It was then that Turin had a brainwave, "Why don't we just set Mablung's head on fire, that'd scare them off."

Beleg seemed to be seriously considering the idea, Mablung on the other hand had a few objections,

"No, no, I'd rather be alive by the end of this ordeal."

"That's a good point," amended Beleg, "once again Turin you overestimate the power of elven endurance."

The edain looked crestfallen, "well what do we do now?"

The three thought for a moment, then Mablung brightened, "I know, we'll ask Bargon for help."

Turin was unfamiliar with the name, "Bargon?"

Beleg looked shocked "You don't know who Bargon is?"

"no"

"He's this big elven adventurer, runs around recovering stolen elven artifacts."

"Sounds like a cool guy, is he a march-warden?"

"Nope, when he's not saving the world he teaches archeology."

"Okay, if I need to find a big golden box, or the cup of eternal life, or if I'm trapped in an evil temple filled with stone worshipping brain washed freaks that are trying to rip out my heart I'll call for this Bargon guy, but what's his experience with giant lice?"

Mablung was stumped at the question,

"Ah, minimal. However, he's pretty handy in tough situations."

"Alright, he seems to be the best that we've got. Let's go."


	2. Chapter 2

Bargon gave a collective sigh as he chased away the last of his adoring students. Just as he thought that he was clear of unwanted attention, a voice said from behind him,

"Suilad Bargon, uh we kind of need your help with something."

He gave a small yelp and whirled around to see the king's fosterling accompanied by the strange bowman that he saw dominating every Strongbow commercial.

"Oh, hello you two. I-uh, you just alarmed me. I wasn't aware that there was another entrance to my office. How can I be of any assistance."

Beleg noted that he didn't ask how they got in and was grateful, he didn't want to get the nice secretary that let them in into any trouble,

"We're sorry for coming in unannounced, but out friend is in a bit of trouble and we thought that you could get him out of it."

"Well, that depends, what kind of trouble?"

This time Turin answered, "Oh nothing illegal, you see he is suffering from huge monstrous parasites, and we reasoned that you would've come across similar cases in your travels."

"Well, I have seen some strange things happening to strange people in strange places, we'll jump out the window to avoid my students who will only slow us down."

The two thanked him and swiftly leapt out the open window.

Mablung was waiting for them in the courtyard, absent mindedly scratching his head.

"Bargon, here he is." introduced Turin

"I see, hello Mablung, what parasites have taken hold of you?"

"Lice, but not just any lice, take a look."

Beleg took out a small sticky candy that the vermin were attracted to and help it close to Mablung's head.

They didn't have to wait long, less than ten seconds passed before one of the creatures jumped out of Mablun's hair and at the candy. Beleg immediately took a big step back and looked expectantly at Bargon.

"Sweet Eru, this thing belongs in a museum!"

"No kidding." mumbled Turin, "So do you know how to get rid of them?"

"I won't lie to you, I've never seen anything like it, but I think I know what to do."

"I knew that setting his head on fire would work!"

Just over an hour had passed, and Mablung was currently strapped into a lethal looking wooden apparatus with Bargon holding up an oil dipped torch, Turin steadying a huge tub of water (courtesy of Gene's stall, and Beleg controlling the apparatus by pulling on a series of ropes.

"Now," explained Bargon, "I'm going to set Mablung's head on fire, after that Beleg's going to turn him upside down. I hypothesize that at this point all the little critters are going to try to escape and crawl out, only Mablung'll be upside down. This means that they're going to fall into this net that I've set up. The moment that they're all gone Beleg's go pull on that other rope over there, dunking him into water, Ready?"

"Ready" came the unanimous reply.

"Okay, one...two...three..."


End file.
